Assassination games in the midst of Middle East war theatre!

Raju Korti
I don’t know if I should be alarmed, amused, or just give up trying to understand modern geopolitics. We now live in a world where Ayatollah Khamenei was apparently on Israel’s most-wanted list, until -- wait for it -- Donald Trump said, “Nope, let’s not kill him.” This, from the man who once asked if nuking hurricanes was a viable option. And now Iran, feeling justifiably annoyed or theatrically vengeful, allegedly wants to return the favour -- by plotting to bump off Trump. This can give any Netflix thriller, a run for its money.

Let’s take a moment. Imagine that strategy meeting in Israel. Mossad agents in a dim-lit bunker, everyone looking deadly serious, and then someone says, “So we take out Khamenei?” and suddenly, a virtual Trump appears on a screen, gold curtains in the background, saying, “I wouldn’t do it. He’s not a bad guy. Terrible beard, but not the worst. Anyway, not as worst as my permanent scowl. Believe me.” And that ends the mission.

Then, in an ironic twist only the 21st century could cough up, Iran allegedly starts thinking, “Okay, let’s go for Trump then.” Let that sink in. The country accused of trying to flatten Israel with rockets now sees Trump as a worthy target. Not Biden. Not Netanyahu. Trump!

Of course, this is not to say the situation isn't dire. Missiles are flying, nuclear chatter is growing louder, and superpowers are flexing like they are on heavy dose of steroids. But wedged awkwardly in all this carnage is the spectacle of everyone trying to kill someone the others didn’t expect. It is like a game of geopolitical musical chairs, only the chairs explode.

Meanwhile, true to his form, Trump, ever the maestro of melodrama, might now pitch this as proof that even Iran fears him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he starts wearing a bulletproof vest in public and brands it “TRUMP ARMOUR -- Now Iran-Proof!” As absurd as it sounds, this could actually boost his approval ratings among certain voters who believe he personally wrestled Soleimani, the high-ranking Iranian military officer who served in the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps.

All said and done, it is a strange world where assassination plans are weighed and vetoed like dinner menu items. But perhaps the most bizarre thing is this: even in a scenario that looks dangerously close to triggering World War III, the punchline still ends with Trump. And not even the Ayatollah saw that coming.