Dalals of Peace! When arsonists offer fire safety tips!

Raju Korti
I had a reason to chuckle when I read that Russian President Vladimir Putin has “graciously” offered to mediate peace between Israel and Iran. It is like the bull offering to supervise a china shop’s grand reopening. Of course, the Kremlin spin is all about diplomacy and de-escalation. But we all know that behind that measured tone lies the hallmark vodka of international hypocrisy -- distilled in barrels of geopolitical self-interest.

Peace brokering, once the domain of dispassionate saints and neutrals, is now an elite club of self-styled saviours with blood on their hands and contracts in their back pockets. Putin’s offer may sound noble, but this is the same Russia that has been carpet-bombing parts of Ukraine while shaking hands with Hamas and Iran, and simultaneously trying to rebrand itself as a peacemaker. That is like offering CPR lessons while holding someone underwater.

He isn’t alone in this pantheon of paradox. The United States, for instance, has long enjoyed its role as a serial peace broker -- offering olive branches in one hand while supplying F-16s and smart bombs with the other. Remember Trump’s “Deal of the Century”? It read less like a peace plan and more like a real estate brochure with armed footnotes. Yet, there he was, flanked by Benjamin Netanyahu and a few Gulf emissaries, like a wedding priest who didn’t bother checking if the bride and groom had ever met.

China, too, has now thrown its hat in the peace ring -- literally and figuratively -- with its recent forays into mediating between Iran and Saudi Arabia. A noble cause, perhaps, but coming from a nation that doesn’t blink while bulldozing dissent in Hong Kong or building artificial islands with military intent, it all seems part of a new "image rehab world tour.” This is Peace Manchurian!

Even North Korea -- yes, the Hermit Kingdom – has offered mediation at times, usually sandwiched between missile tests and threats of “sea of fire” rhetoric. If ever proof was needed that international relations are surreal, there you have it.

Let’s not forget Turkey, which under Erdoğan’s rule, tries to swing between NATO, Russia, and various Islamic blocs depending on which way the wind (and economic aid) is blowing. It once positioned itself as a peace conduit during the early Syria war days while offering passage to every shade of rebel from moderate to medieval.

And of course, there’s Pakistan. A nation with a long record of nurturing non-state actors offering to “facilitate” peace in Afghanistan, Kashmir, or any place where a microphone is available. It is the geopolitical equivalent of a fox applying for poultry farm security.

The irony of all this is not just in the hypocrisy. It is in the fact that these peace brokers rarely succeed. Their mediation is less about lasting solutions and more about leverage. Offering to broker peace gives them a seat at the table, headlines in the media, and sometimes a temporary halo over a soiled track record. It is often about optics, not outcomes.

And yet, the world plays along. Because peace, however thinly veiled or insincerely offered, is a desirable narrative. It keeps markets from panicking, voters from rioting, and international summits from becoming food fights.

So, is peace brokering a holier-than-thou pastime? Maybe. But it is also a deeply cynical charade that’s become international theatre. The script is familiar: start a fire, fan it a bit, and then arrive with buckets (or sponsors). Rinse, repeat, Nobel Peace nomination.

Everyone wants to be the fireman – but not without first striking the match.