Confessions of a rejection-softened man

Raju Korti
I have often been told that most fears of rejection rest on the desire of approval from other people and your self-esteem should not become casualty of how others view you. For all the hype and cosmetic coming from Teflon-coated tongues on the positives of rejection, I stand committed to my conviction: Rejection feels lousy and seriously dents one's sense of oneself.

As someone who has encountered rejection at all levels in the arduous course of my professional career and personal relationships, I have veered round to the conclusion that my life has been consumed by rejection. Trust me. it is psychologically debilitating, although I have kept trying my best for course corrections. It is what many people describe synonymously as destiny. Rejections are destined to happen. I realized it much earlier in my 65 years of existence. With the passage of time, I have experienced how much of my concern with social acceptance has percolated into everything I have ventured to do.

The pain of being excluded or rejected is not much different than physical pain or injury. In fact, it is worse a times. I have experienced emotional upheaval, cognition and even manifestation in physical health. Having reached a stage of being ostracized, I have been grappling these to the point of no return. I have never made any attempts to analyze and understand, lesser still, appreciate the whys and hows of rejection. I feel too disabled to rationalize rejection.

I marvel at the people who are evolved to live in cooperative societies. To some, it comes naturally. Like hunger or thirst, their need for acceptance emerges as a mechanism for survival. Social rejection aches cannot be handled like physical pain. Ask anyone who has been at the receiving end of a social snub, he will tell you his sob story of emotional turmoil and cognitive ferment that breed anger, anxiety, depression, jealousy and sadness. Even innocuous episodes of rejection can sting. 

Unlike most people who respond to rejection by seeking inclusion elsewhere, I prefer to go into a shell -- the fear of further rejection always weighing on the mind. Its a pain of chronic rejection that I have found it difficult to ward off although rejection from all quarters has become a way of life. I have begun to avoid people like plague. When I run into them, rebuff looms large. I am saying this despite being a professional and personal counselor. The only inconsistent part of this rejection story is when I counsel others to make a virtue out of it. In many words, not practicing what I preach. In one word 'hypocrisy'.

There is a silver line to this pessimistic story. I have desperately clung on to myself while people don't care about losing me. There is a consistency in my being rejected at all times, on all occasions and by all people including those who come across as close relatives and well wishers. At least a clear rejection is better than fake acceptance. No small consolation that. I have sustained rejections on the premise that you come alone, you go alone. Take rejections in your stride and move on bracing for more rejections. Mercifully, death never rejects anyone. At least someone will be kind enough to embrace me at the fag end of my rejected life. The redeeming feature is I won't be alive to see being rejected even after death.