Of spinning electoral narratives!

Raju Korti
If there is one thing that I dread before, during and after every election, it is the prospects of listening to the lengthy, pompous and holier-than-thou political narratives that "experts" in the media dish out in their bid to outdo each others. As I sat through the election coverage across TV channels yesterday, it was nothing different with usual and predictable noises from predictable people with predictable views -- all in the name of being "spin doctors". It is one therapy guaranteed to leave you sicker than before.

Pic representational: You can choose your studio!

As a seasoned journalist of over 45 years who has extensively covered parliamentary, assembly and local self government elections since 1980, travelling with prime ministers like Indira Gandhi, Rajiv Gandhi, V P Singh, Chandra Shekhar, Deve Gowda, Inder Kumar Gujral and many union/state ministers, MPs and MLAS, even connecting with grassroots, I can vouch that readers who base their opinions on these narratives are first class hypocrites who are compromised because of their naivete and poor perception. They watch TV and newspapers (of their choice) to feel comfortable with the narratives that suit their prejudiced minds.    

Trying to keep your head on your shoulders listening to the "spin doctors" has to be an acid test of your tolerance and endurance. It is where truth travels in diametrically opposite directions, often losing its way in the trajectory. Taking names serves no purpose as they all are prisoners of their ideologies and preferences that send their good conscience on a sabbatical. I can tell you first hand how tricky, if not tough, it can be to spin narratives because there is no room for objectivity and unvarnished truth in the complex algorithm of politics.

Trying to untangle political narratives is like trying to follow a squirrel on caffeine high meandering through a maze of mirrors. You think you are on to something, but then suddenly you are lost in a convoluted hodgepodge of conflicting facts and interpretative ballets. As a spin doctor, you twirl your words like spaghetti on fork, hoping you will swallow their junk without realizing it is just a mass of tangled, frigged mess. 

Those on the television are a class unto themselves. The TV studios are a circus where the clowns wear suits and the lions replaced by talking heads roaring their two cents louder than a stadium full of unruly soccer fans. Don't take them to heart, and if you do, pop a sorbitrate before you get the heart-burns. In the circus of politics, the only thing that is certain is the truth is made a contortionist. In the grand carnival of politics, there's a ride that stands out among the rest, where truth takes a backseat and spin reigns supreme -- the Spin Cycle. If you don't strap yourselves in, it is a guaranteed roller coaster.

Picture this: A well-lit studio room filled with an eclectic mix of politicians, strategists, and spin doctors, all huddled around a colossal spinning wheel. On this wheel are various narratives, ranging from "Economy Booming" to "Opponent's Gaffe Extravaganza" -- all with the seasoned tempering of a crazy flurry of hands and what is generally acknowledged as a benchmark in noise: fish market. 

The journey is all familiar. The spinning game begins with the very topic of the debate. The way it is twisted is like rigged fight where the ringmaster anchor has already made up the mind who is going to win. The first stop is the blame game. Panellists showcase their gymnastics skills contorting themselves into absurd positions to deflect blame from their own mishaps. 

If you weren't entertained enough, the soundbite shuffle follows where in linguistic dexterity, panellists craft catchy but selective soundbites. If it is about rising unemployment, they will chant "jobs, jobs, jobs" as if repeating it ad nauseum would create employment opportunities out of thin air. Narratives also give ample opportunities for a "Scandal Spin" as part of crisis management -- all in a friendly exchange of pleasantries. The anchor is the King of all, including the panellists and their narratives. 

If the going gets tough to the point where shouting panellists yanking hair off their heads, there is a comic break in the flip-flop boogie woogie. They all come prepared to display flawless somersaults. TV Talk shows allow them them to showcase these skills in a spectacle of flexibility that would make even the most seasoned contortionist green with envy.

As the Spin Cycle whirls on, it is the poor viewer who ends up wondering in the maze of "facts and figures" what is stranger, fact or fiction. So, dear friends, if you are condemned to watch these spinning tracks -- like I was throughout yesterday -- and you find yourself caught in the dizzying whirlwind of political rhetoric, just remember to hold onto your hats and keep your skepticism close at hand. After all, in the Spin Cycle, what goes around often comes around -- just with a slightly different twist.

For the record, spinning convenient narratives is no big deal if you already have a twisted mind. As I would often tell my students in the college: First get your facts right and then think of how to twist them!