Essaying a "NO"

Raju Korti
There is more "No" in no than there is "Yes" in yes. If that confounds or befuddles you, let me lean on Sigmund Freud according to whom a denial or abnegation is a sort of psychological defense mechanism in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence.
Let me demystify. Ajmal Kasab denied he carried out terror attacks, Shahrukh Khan denied he misbehaved at Wankhede Stadium, Chidambaram and A Raja denied their roles in 2G scam, the Army denied it planned to take over the country, Kripa Shankar Singh denied he made ill-gotten money, Bill Clinton denied he had a fling with a White House intern, Manmohan Singh denied any wrongdoings by his goverment, Dawood Ibrahim denied he runs a betting syndicate, "Hindu Dons" Chhota Rajan and Arun Gawli denied they were running extortion rackets, Barkha Dutt denied she had anything to do with Radiagate, BCCI President N Srinivasan denied any role in fixing and what have you. If you thought denials were an individual thing, there is Pakistan which as a nation lives in a state of perpetual denial. The list is illustrious and unending.
There is something very emphatic and decisive about a denial than in an acquiescence. Clinically, denials may have their darker and brighter sides but staying in denial can tinker with you ability to tackle challenges.
As someone who has spent over three decades in journalism, I can vouch for the importance (or not!) of a denial. Everyday, newspapers and TV channels are inundated by any number of press releases where someone or the other keeps denying something or the other. But by far the most bizarre one that I experienced came from a murder convict who shot off a handout to all local newspapers, denying he had committed the crime. Probably his conscience was guided by the philosophy that a good denial is the best point in law and its power can never be under-rated.
Let me not paint a "no" with a black brush. Psychologists have written article galore on how respecting your own boundaries lies in a conscientious "no". Half the troubles of life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough. Tactically and otherwise!
So today I invite you to join me in remembering it’s OK to say no, and our world won’t fall apart because of it.

Its OK to say no if you don’t feel moved by an opportunity -- no matter how exciting it might sound to someone else. Happiness is a choice, but it’s made up of lots of smaller choices we need to make based on what we actually want.
It’s OK to say no if you’d rather relax than go out -- no matter how many other people think you should be social. Only we know when we need to recharge and take care of ourselves, so it’s up to us to recognize and honor that.
It’s OK to say no if you’d need to sacrifice your needs to help someone else -- even if a part of you feels a little guilty about it. People are always going to have requests. Sometimes we’ll be able to help; sometimes we won’t. We’re still good people regardless.
It’s OK to say no because you don’t have time -- even if you don’t know right in this moment when you’ll be more available. We’re allowed to say no without hinting toward a future yes.
It’s OK to say no without a detailed excuse -- even if you feel like you should offer one. “This doesn’t feel right for me right now” is a perfectly valid reason.
Lastly, it’s OK to say no even if you’ve already said yes, if you realize you weren’t being true to yourself. It’s far better to make the right decision late than follow through with the wrong one because you think you should.
A civil "no" is much better than a rude grant.