Raju Korti
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| Will the day ever dawn? |
As a professional journalist brought up and programmed to think differently, I wonder what's the fuss about. I mean shouldn't we Indians thank our learned Deputy Chairman of Planning Commission Mr Montek Singh Ahluwalia for making as insignificant an issue as toilets part of our national consciousness?
For a population that doesn't spend more than half an hour on shedding unwanted load off its system, Ahluwalia's expansive idea of nationalising Rs 35 lakh on the renovation of two toilets has obviously given a severe constipation to "right thinking" people. But first things first.
I do not know whether Ahluwalia has ever availed the services of the toilets, the kind of which dot the vertical landscape of Mumbai. Two things might happen if he has done that. Either he may have sprinted away from the place with the speed of Carl Lewis or probably soiled his pants even before he could take the right posture. And this I say with due respect to the man whose wisdom has constricted to the more-than-narrrow walls of the toilets used by the honourable members of the Planning Commission.
I have been observant enough to catch expressions that clearly tell you that people are holding on to their bladders or bowels, desperately to head for the comfort of the toilets in their house. I can tell you, its quite a daunting ask given that people commute for sometimes more than two hours in Mumbai's crazy life.
Of course, Mumbai is generously disposed towards its struggling populace. For those who stir out out of their house early morning and return late evenings, the metropolis has a number of Sulabh Shouchalayas (easy access toilets) to relieve them from their revolting tummies. So far so good. But such is their maintenance -- a euphemism for condition -- that you throw up a fit and decide to scurry for your home instead. The more desperate ones come out with a face of a lifetime's experience. To add insult to injury, these toilets hypothecate their services "to the courtesy of a corporator or MLA". You live in a country where you have to thank your leaders for allowing you these small mercies.
But even Mumbai, who our leaders from time to time keep assuring will become Shanghai some day, has the same earthly charms to offer as our ubiquitous ruralside. All those who have lived in Mumbai and are condemned to travel through its suburban trains will know what I mean. Not all those sitting by the window shut their eyes of exhaustion. You need to be commute-hardened and gutsy to witness a line-up of migrant squatters shedding their natural manure and upholding the cause of environment in an otherwise concrete jungle that Mumbai is often billed as.
The diversity is intriguing. An institution that cannot be accused of having planned anything concrete in its chequered existence, fights shy of using its existing toilets that our natural squatters can't even dream of while lesser mortals are inured to be in the lap of nature. Little wonder, the stink on money being squandered on toilets is bound to linger.
I recall once being part of a popular leader's entourage. Twice Maharashtra's chief minister and presently a union minister -- by a strange coincidence handling a portfolio that's relevant to this subject -- he was then in the Opposition. Midway, most people in the retinue, including our leader, got the natural urge. So all of them got down from their cars to provide man-made Urea to the roadside trees. Nature sure is a great leveller. It got an humble (!) journalist and a top leader to unzip barely five feet away and look at each other askance and with a sly, knowing smile.
So without sounding like a socialist, I would like to request Mr Ahluwalia in all humility that he must make a matching allocation for the "other" toilets as well. Else, it will be our Mumbai and their Shanghai.
For a population that doesn't spend more than half an hour on shedding unwanted load off its system, Ahluwalia's expansive idea of nationalising Rs 35 lakh on the renovation of two toilets has obviously given a severe constipation to "right thinking" people. But first things first.
I do not know whether Ahluwalia has ever availed the services of the toilets, the kind of which dot the vertical landscape of Mumbai. Two things might happen if he has done that. Either he may have sprinted away from the place with the speed of Carl Lewis or probably soiled his pants even before he could take the right posture. And this I say with due respect to the man whose wisdom has constricted to the more-than-narrrow walls of the toilets used by the honourable members of the Planning Commission.
I have been observant enough to catch expressions that clearly tell you that people are holding on to their bladders or bowels, desperately to head for the comfort of the toilets in their house. I can tell you, its quite a daunting ask given that people commute for sometimes more than two hours in Mumbai's crazy life.
Of course, Mumbai is generously disposed towards its struggling populace. For those who stir out out of their house early morning and return late evenings, the metropolis has a number of Sulabh Shouchalayas (easy access toilets) to relieve them from their revolting tummies. So far so good. But such is their maintenance -- a euphemism for condition -- that you throw up a fit and decide to scurry for your home instead. The more desperate ones come out with a face of a lifetime's experience. To add insult to injury, these toilets hypothecate their services "to the courtesy of a corporator or MLA". You live in a country where you have to thank your leaders for allowing you these small mercies.
But even Mumbai, who our leaders from time to time keep assuring will become Shanghai some day, has the same earthly charms to offer as our ubiquitous ruralside. All those who have lived in Mumbai and are condemned to travel through its suburban trains will know what I mean. Not all those sitting by the window shut their eyes of exhaustion. You need to be commute-hardened and gutsy to witness a line-up of migrant squatters shedding their natural manure and upholding the cause of environment in an otherwise concrete jungle that Mumbai is often billed as.
The diversity is intriguing. An institution that cannot be accused of having planned anything concrete in its chequered existence, fights shy of using its existing toilets that our natural squatters can't even dream of while lesser mortals are inured to be in the lap of nature. Little wonder, the stink on money being squandered on toilets is bound to linger.
I recall once being part of a popular leader's entourage. Twice Maharashtra's chief minister and presently a union minister -- by a strange coincidence handling a portfolio that's relevant to this subject -- he was then in the Opposition. Midway, most people in the retinue, including our leader, got the natural urge. So all of them got down from their cars to provide man-made Urea to the roadside trees. Nature sure is a great leveller. It got an humble (!) journalist and a top leader to unzip barely five feet away and look at each other askance and with a sly, knowing smile.
So without sounding like a socialist, I would like to request Mr Ahluwalia in all humility that he must make a matching allocation for the "other" toilets as well. Else, it will be our Mumbai and their Shanghai.
I am waiting for your comment, Baba
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